Lack of Experience

For the past few days, I’ve been listening to my aunt and my cousin (2 years older than me) talk.  I realized that all I do is sit there and listen.  I never attempt to join the conversation, or make any kind of comment. And that’s because I feel inadequate in adult conversations. I am an adult, but I find it a little uncomfortable to have or join in adult conversations with people who aren’t my close friends – and especially family members, my age or otherwise.

The reason for this is my lack of experience.  When I say this I mean that I lack LIFE experience.  When people talk about how they’re so in love, or how men can’t be trusted, or any other similar topic, I feel inadequate because despite the fact that I may have an opinion, what do I really know about it? I’ve never been in love, or had a boyfriend for long enough to say that men can’t be trusted.  Not only that though, I’m generally treated as a child in my family. Not two days ago, we were crossing a street, and my aunt held on to my hand, lol. So the self-fulfilling prophecy is true – since I’m treated like a child, I act like one.

With my friends, I talk about any and everything – sex, men, bras, my body. I’m comfortable with them.  But even with them I can see a difference in my level of maturity and theirs.  I found myself really disliking this inexperienced part of me. Naiveté is not a good thing all the time. Especially at my age, it makes me feel like it’s easier for me to be duped.  There are some things only life experience can teach, and I feel I should know them by now.

I’m not advocating that anyone go out there and go crazy just to get experience. I’m a firm believer in not doing things until you’re ready to deal with the consequences.  I guess everyone grows and learns at their own pace. We shouldn’t have to rush things just to fit in. However, we should also educate ourselves. And surround ourselves with people who are supportive and from whom we can learn things.